Divine Desire - Married Edition Foundational

Our Sexual Intimacy Was Buried and Frozen

Janean and I are personally acquainted with this kind of pain, because this was exactly where we found ourselves, starting on our wedding night and continuing into the next few years of our marriage. 

I (Bill) had come into our marriage sexually shut-down and repressed. I was a dead man walking not only emotionally, but sexually as well. As a single man, and a small groups pastor,  I didn’t know how to manage my struggle with lust, so I thought it was best to bury my sexuality under a tombstone.  Can you imagine the inscription?

R.I.P. 

Here Lies Bill Fuller ‘Pardon Me for not Rising!’

When I couldn’t handle the suppression any longer, my sexuality would rise from the grave, and I would act out by looking at pornography. I’d feel an incredible amount of shame, and I’d start down the path of beating myself up thinking it would motivate me to try harder. 

It’s no surprise that, despite marrying my gorgeous wife Janean, I couldn’t unearth my desire, and the porn use caused E.D. too!  

Before we married, Janean brought my heart alive! But after we got married, it seemed that all I could offer her was a husband who was apathetic: romantically, emotionally and sexually. 

Here’s what Janean says about those painful years in our marriage: 

"I had struggled with body-image issues my entire life. As a young woman, I was objectified and used by men because of my beauty. Then later as a single parent, I doubted I could ever be beautiful or thin enough to get a worthy man to pursue me. 

During my single years, I prayed for a future soul mate, asking God to send me a good man who would fight for me, know my heart, and understand how deeply I desired to be cherished for who I really was. I longed for intimacy with my future husband and at the same time, I wanted to honor God and my convictions by waiting until marriage to have sex. Bill had tried to deaden his sexual desires completely, but not me! 

Instead, I put my sexuality on ice, looking forward to the day I could marry again and my sexuality could be thawed and brought back to life!"

Nevertheless, tension and hurt feelings dominated our sex life. 

Early on in our marriage, we went to see various marriage counselors, but no one (including Christian counselors, spiritual leaders, and friends) would get near our sexual problems with a ten-foot pole. We became so desperate to get help for us that Janean went back to school and completed a two-year, post-graduate certification in clinical Christian Sex Therapy.

But maybe like us you’ve felt like you’ve lost an integral part of who you are. Most likely you long for a deep connection with your spouse that assures you that you’re loved, that you belong and your life matters. It’s true because at the core of your being you yearn for and long for true intimacy. You want a deep connection with a lover or a soul mate who compliments you. 

And guess what? Unless you both have the gift of celibacy, you were never intended to make this life pilgrimage or journey alone. “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Gen. 2:18).

 Maybe you find yourself in the following dilemma too: what you most deeply long for, and desire, you also greatly fear? Could it be that one or both of you, like me, want the fruit of companionship without the expectation of true emotional, spiritual and sexual intimacy? 

We’re figuring that you probably wouldn’t be reading this if something within you wasn’t dissatisfied with the safe, predictable, or non-existent intimacy you’re now experiencing. Our guess is that one of you (hopefully both of you) are aching for that deep intimate encounter with your spouse the way the Lord intended. If some twinges of fear are being exposed, just realize that’s your flesh, or maybe even the enemy using fear to mask the good and holy ache within you for genuine, life-sustaining intimacy with the Lord and your spouse. Take it from us, it won’t go away!

Whether your issues involve low desire, lack of arousal, pain, or orgasm issues this course will deepen your intimacy with the Lord and your spouse and specifically include step-by-step, sensate-focus intimacy experiences that Janean has highly Christianized that you both complete in the privacy of your own home. They also include some Christian-mind bodywork to help you break strongholds and move forward. You can do the protocol on your own, or if you have experienced trauma in your past you can see a marriage counselor in your area as you work through the protocol with their support. 

Only God can give you the comfort, courage, and strength to take you through the next steps towards healing and restoration. Be assured that God is for your sexual intimacy and marriage covenant, and He is committed to gently heal the reasons why you’re struggling sexually in the first place. 

It’s not about trying harder and figuring out the next strategy; it's primarily about surrendering to Him and His healing!

Are you ready? He's calling you to TAKE ACTION!